Nur Kasih: The Movie - Nur Yang Tak Cukup Terang Lagi

Dah lama saya menunggu filem baru dari Kabir Bhatia. Filem arahannya Setem adalah filem tempatan pertama yang saya benar-benar sukai, tapi itu dah hampir dua tahun lalu. Sebenarnya saya tak paham kenapa Setem tidak berjaya di box-office. Takde ke seorang pun antara mereka yang cakap dengan kengkawan, "Citer nie best, pergi tengok"? Jadi saya amat mengantisipasikan filem Kabir yang seterusnya, walaupun ia merupakan sambungan kepada siri TV yang saya tak tahu apa-apa mengenainya.

Malangnya, filem ini tak ada apa-apa yang buat saya teruja macamSetem.

Adam (Remy Ishak) dan Aidil (Fizz Fairuz) adalah dua adik-beradik. Ibu mereka ialah Mak Jah (Liza Othman). Adam suami kepada Nur Amina (Tiz Zaqyah) yang pernah juga dicintai oleh Aidil (I think). Aidil baru kehilangan isterinya yang telah meninggal dunia, meninggalkan dia bersama dua anaknya Elyas (Ilyas Suhaimi) dan Mariam (Mia Sara Nasuha). Kemudian Nur mengandung, tetapi tragedi menimpa apabila kandungannya gugur. Untuk menawar rasa kepahitan, Adam dan Nur melancong ke Jordan, tetapi mereka terlibat dalam kemalangan keretapi terbabas. Mereka berdua terselamat, tetapi apabila Adam pulang ke tempat kemalangan untuk mencari cincin Nur yang tercicir, dia tersesat di padang pasir. Nur dan Aidil berjaya mencarinya, tetapi Adam mengalami kecederaan yang mengancam nyawanya. Juga ada subplot tentang Adam mengajar kelas agama bagi remaja yang bermasalah, termasuk Mamat (Muniff Isa), Juriah (Sara Ali) dan Jamal (Syafie Naswip).

Dari sinopsis di atas, anda dah boleh tahu apa masalahnya dengan filem ini. Saya menggelarnya "cerita pastu" - kerana plotnya macam "ini terjadi, pastu itu terjadi, pastu ini terjadi, pastu itu terjadi, pastu etc. etc. etc." Tiada benang naratif yang mengikat cerita ini dari mula sampai akhir. Segala tragedi yang melanda watak-watak ini macam saja je. Ini cukup membingungkan saya, lebih-lebih lagi kerana filem ini tidak menyenangkan penonton yang tidak kenal dengan siri TV Nur Kasih. Teks kat mula-mula tidak banyak membantu untuk menerangkan sejarah watak-watak ini. Benarkah Adam, Aidil dan Nur pernah bercinta tigasegi? Tak nampak pun. Tiga-tiga macam baik-baik je.

Sebenarnya itu salah satu benda yang saya suka. Semua ahli famili ini saling sayang-menyayangi; tiada konflik diantara dua-dua adik beradik, mahupun antara suami isteri atau abang ipar dan adik ipar. Melainkan satu watak antagonis yang minor, hampir kesemua watak-watak dalam cerita ini boleh disimpati mahupun disanjungi. Konflik didalam filem ini selebihnya datang dari pancaroba kehidupan watak-watak ini - dan ini membawa kita kepada tema cerita ini, iaitu keredaan kepada kehendak Allah.

Dari sini, filem ini akan menunjukkan betapa berharganya iman. Malangnya, filem Melayu - dan masyarakat Melayu - belum berani lagi untuk mengkaji erti keimanan dengan lebih mendalam. Sebenarnya filem Barat lebih memahami isu ini; satu lagi contoh ialah filem Signs arahan M. Night Shyamalan. Tapi saya suka babak dimana seorang ustaz (lakonan Beto Kushairy) dilihat sebagai kolot pemikirannya dan kurang berperikemanusiaan; namun ini diimbang dengan babak lain dimana seorang pengusaha Melayu (lakonan Jehan Miskin, yang saya kasihan kerana tak pernah membawa watak orang yang baik) mahu menubuhkan kelab malam. Of course, dia dilihat sebagai seorang asshole.

Filem ini sentiasa nampak kemas dan berkualiti. Arahan Kabir teliti dan prihatin, dan skrip Mira adakalanya corny tetapi cukup bermakna. Lakonan Tiz Zaqyah cukup efektif dalam babak pasang air (i.e. turning on the waterworks), tapi saya lebih suka ketika dia bertekad hendak mencari suaminya yang hilang; ini satu-satunya ketika kita lihat watak yang aktif melakukan sesuatu. Pelakon-pelakon lelaki pula kurang menyerlah dan agak kayu; anehnya, Remy Ishak kurang chemistry dengan Tiz. Ingat mereka dah biasa memainkan watak-watak ini. Saya juga suka dengan Muniff Isa, manakala Sara Ali tetap kiut gilebabi.

Dukacita saya mengatakan bahawa ada persamaan diantara filem ini dengan Lagenda Budak Setan, yang juga mengamalkan polisi "lagi watak derita lagi menghiburkan" sampai tahap 11. Dukacita kerana Nur Kasih: The Movie tampak lagi baik (tahap 6 atau 7 je), tak macam filem taik itu. Ia bercita-cita hendak menceritakan kisah drama epik tiga insan dan erti kehidupan mereka hingga akhir hayat, tapi kurang berjaya akibat plot yang episodik dan bercelaru. (Dan kalau nak tiru filem "The Notebook" pun biarlah dari memula.) Cubaan yang boleh dihormati, tetapi saya lebih gembira bahawa saga Nur Kasih sudah tamat disini. Bolehlah Kabir - serta Mira - bikin cerita yang seharapnya lebih baik.

Review: 2.5 Stars

Next Review: Kung Fu Panda 2

Paul - Alien Fart And Probing Jokes Galore

I loved Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. I love movies that can pull off the tricky trifecta of mocking a genre, yet show boundless affection for it, and be a solid entry in that genre in its own right. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost - and their frequent collaborator, Edgar Wright - are acknowledged masters of this, and I'll watch anything they make. Paul, their latest, is massively entertaining, and the movie produced the best laughs I've had at the movies in a long time.

Graeme Willy (Simon Pegg) and Clive Gollings (Nick Frost) are two British sci-fi fanboys who have come to America to visit San Diego Comic-Con first, and take an RV road trip tour through the Midwest's most famous UFO sites second. But while on the road, they encounter Paul (voice of Seth Rogen) - rude, uncouth, cigarette-smoking, weed-toking, and also an alien. Paul has just escaped from government custody, and needs Graeme's and Clive's help to make it to a place where his people can take him home. On the way, they also pick up Ruth Buggs (Kristen Wiig), a fundamentalist Christian whose worldview is changed shattered by Paul, but this only makes Ruth's domineering father (John Carroll Lynch) pursue them with a vengeance and a shotgun. Also hot on Paul's tail is the ruthless Agent Zoil (Jason Bateman) - supposedly-aided-but-more-often-hindered by two other bumbling operatives (Bill Hader and Joe Lo Truglio) - whose superior (Sigourney Weaver) doesn't much care if Paul returns dead or alive.

Malaysian audiences are shamefully ignorant. Oh no, it's not because the audience at my viewing didn't enjoy this movie; they did, uproariously. It's because this movie is dense with in-jokes and references to a dozen other classic sci-fi films, and almost every onesailed over their heads. Mac And Me. The song playing in the redneck bar. "Boring conversation anyway." And an absolutely delicious one aimed at Sigourney Weaver which it would be criminal of me to spoil. I was literally the only one laughing at these, but I'm pretty sure there were even more jokes that I missed. Just those ones I mentioned above were awesome enough.

Yes, as befits a movie about two sci-fi geeks made by two sci-fi geeks, Paul is chock-full of sci-fi geekery. And yet it remains accessible and entertaining for non-geeks, because as I said, even the audience I watched it with had a great time. The dialogue is hilariously vulgar, which is possibly still a new thing to Malaysian moviegoers. (If you're still not aware yet, rated 18 now means profanity is completely uncensored.) As writers, Pegg and Frost display a mastery of the running gag that should be the envy of comedy writers everywhere. As actors, they have no problems playing likable characters, and Frost's Clive even gets a little more dimension than the one-note clueless morons he played in Shaun and Fuzz. And just like those two films, this one takes care to tell a real story, not just a string of jokes.

It's probably not the tightest story though, being a road movie after all. Somewhere in its second half, they pick up yet another character, Tara Walton (Blythe Danner), and her subplot is perhaps not as well-developed as it deserves. But it is warm and touching, which is another thing about the movie that I liked. He may be voiced by Seth Rogen, and he may practically be a typical Seth Rogen character, but Paul is more than just another slacker/party animal/asshole/mainstay of many a modern American comedy. He develops a real warmth for his new human friends, has a conscience and a desire to make right his mistakes, and his loutish behaviour never becomes dickish or causes lazy plot complications. As much as you may dislike Rogen or Rogen-ish characters, Paul is always more than that.

That's probably because two Brits wrote it. In many ways, this movie is also an outsider's view of America, as seen by two foreigners and one literal alien. It takes potshots at drunken rednecks and Christian fundies, and I've read a fair bit of huffing about this from butthurt Americans. Suck it up, I'd say to them; Hollywood has done more than its fair share of insulting portrayals of other countries and cultures, it's time to taste some of it yourselves. In any case, I thought it was freakin' funny.

I thought the whole damn movie was freakin' funny, and that ought to be as good a recommendation as any. Y'know, thinking about it, perhaps it is the weakest Pegg-Frost movie thus far. I'm remembering how Shaun's and Fuzz's jokes were more sly and sophisticated, whereas this movie tends to cover the same comic ground in a more obvious manner. And I also think it'd be niggardly to pronounce this a lesser film when it is already so terrifically entertaining. Because it is.

Rating: 4/5 stars
Next Movie Review: Nur Kasih The Movie

The Social Network - I LIKE it

I don't even remember when I first signed up on Facebook. My first experience with social networking sites was Friendster, and back then its only novelty was comparing the number of friends you had with other people. That was only about 6 years ago - and now, I am a quite frequent Facebook user. (I haven't touched my Friendster account in ages.) I rarely update my status, but I enjoy reading my friends. So yeah, The Social Networkis as relevant to me as, well, any of its other 500 million users worldwide.

After a bad breakup with his girlfriend Erica (Rooney Mara), Harvard undergrad Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) channels his resentment into creating a nasty website called Facemash that hacks into the databases of Harvard dorms - and which creates enough traffic to crash the network. It earns him 6 months academic probation, but also the attention of wealthy twins Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (Armie Hammer) and their friend Divya Narendra (Max Minghella), who recruit him to build their own website called HarvardConnection. Instead, Zuckerberg builds on their idea to start his own project - called TheFacebook - with his best friend Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), whom he appoints as Chief Financial Officer. TheFacebook becomes wildly popular - Andrew starts dating a groupie named Christy (Brenda Song) - and in their efforts to grow the business, they meet Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake), co-founder of Napster, who drives a rift in between Zuckerberg and Saverin. It all ends in lawsuits brought against Zuckerberg by the Winklevosses and Narendra, who believe Zuckerberg stole their idea - and by Saverin, who believes he betrayed their friendship.

This is an incredibly timely movie, perhaps as timely as a film could possibly be, and for that reason many people will want it to be many things - but it isn't most of those things. It is not a business parable of how Facebook came to be a billion-dollar corporation and the world's most influential social network site, overtaking Myspace and Friendster, who were in existence before it. It is not about how it changed the way we interact socially, how it made us "live on the internet", as one character puts it. And it is not really an accurate dramatization of the legal squabbles involving the real-life Zuckerberg, the real-life Winklevosses and Narendra, and the real-life Saverin; it is based on the nonfiction book The Accidental Billionaires that was written in consultation with Saverin, but not Zuckerberg. What it is, is a character portrait of an incredibly complex, wildly successful, and ultimately tragic figure - who in this story just happens to be named Mark Zuckerberg.

I like Aaron Sorkin. I also used to really like David Fincher, and count Se7en and Fight Club among my all-time favourites; it's just that I liked him for his visual style, which he has since toned down for movies like Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. These two have never worked together before, but the prospect of Fincher directing a Sorkin screenplay was much more enticing to me than a movie about Facebook. Sorkin is brilliant at characterization and unmatched at dialogue, and that's evident from the very first scene - a dizzyingly rapid-fire exchange between Zuckerberg and his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend that's a joy to listen to, even if it takes an effort to follow. That's Sorkin's trademark, and the movie is full of scenes like this.

It is also in this scene that establishes Zuckerberg's defining trait: that he is an asshole. But he is, as mentioned, an incredibly complex and multi-faceted asshole. He may have become the world's youngest billionaire in just a couple of years, but the trappings of money and fame mean little to him; he never throws his wealth around or indulges in sex with groupies. Yes, it was a petty and mean-spirited act that started him on the path that led to Facebook, and he pretty much stays that self-centered and insecure throughout. But the film leaves ambiguous whether or not he deliberately knifed Saverin and the Winklevosses - and one other person, at the end - in the back; it's possible that his only real sin was to get too caught up in his work to think of his friends. Even if he was guilty of malice aforethought, Jesse Eisenberg's flawless performance makes him someone who knows what it cost him and genuinely regrets it. Also, he is supremely arrogant - which is not a positive character trait, but it does mean he gets some hilarious Sorkin-penned insults that almost make you root for him.

But it is Saverin who's the most sympathetic character here. The film establishes upfront that he's the best friend a guy like Zuckerberg could possibly have, a friend whom Zuckerberg often takes for granted. He is also the guy who had the absolute wrong vision for Facebook, which makes you feel even more for him that history has pretty much left him behind. On the other hand, the charismatic Sean Parker strikes Zuckerberg as a kindred spirit almost immediately; in a later scene, we realize why, when Parker reveals that he started Napster to get back at a girl who dumped him too. The storyline also frequently returns to the Winklevosses (or "Winklevii", as Zuckerberg derogatively calls them), and even makes them look sympathetic - as sympathetic as two born-rich, entitled, blonde-and-blue-eyed Aryan hunks could be. Unlike with Saverin, it's much more clear-cut that Zuckerberg deliberately screwed them over, which they didn't really deserve. And it's pretty impressive that they emerge as two distinct individuals despite being played by the same actor.

I've hardly mentioned Fincher's direction, which plays a big part in making this film a compelling and never boring watch. There's little opportunity for him to employ his former visual trickery, but he nevertheless gives it a propulsive pace. And there's two scenes that are pretty dazzling - Zuckerberg's late-night coding binge that created Facemash, intercut with a wild Harvard final club party that he wanted so much to get into; and a rowing race that the Winklevosses take part in, the outcome of which is a stunning contrast to an earlier practice scene. But it's the plot, the storyline, and Sorkin's writing that really make this movie shine for me. A script like this can make any actor look good, and while Eisenberg's performance is the most conspicuous, there's not a single bad performance here. Andrew Garfield is a paragon of decency; Justin Timberlake is magnetic, although his greatest achievement may be to make you believe Garfield can beat him up; and Armie Hammer, as mentioned, does a pretty damn impressive job at his dual role.

It's a story of great human achievement as well as the most fundamental human weaknesses (and not just Zuckerberg's; one key factor in how things worked out the way they did is Saverin's dislike of Parker, and it's clearly hinted that this was motivated by jealousy), and how intertwined both are. No, it's not really about Facebook, but just as well if people think it is. If the average undiscerning moviegoer, who'd rather watch sparkly vampires or explosions, goes to watch this thinking it's about their favourite website, what they'll get instead is a Sorkin-written, Fincher-directed, complex character study. In other words, they'll get a superbly written, acted, and directed film.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars
Next Movie Review: Paul

Due Date- Comedy Is About Timing, Not About Making People Stupid

The most important elements in a movie, in my opinion, are a good storyline, an excellent script, and of course, character development. These are what make a movie, and not a piece of crap. I've watched countless movies ever since I finished my SPM examination. I started off as a noob, but I developed. I recognized which movies are worth watching, and which are not. During my A-levels, I went out every weekend just to watch a movie. Most of the time, I went out alone. Whenever I was really in the mood, I can watch up to 3 movies in a row. From there, I began to recognize which movies are good, and which ones are bad.

This, I can confidently say, is a bad movie.

Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) is a highly-strung architect who is flying home to Los Angeles for the birth of his first child. Due to some Apatow-esque farcical events caused by Ethan Tremblay (Zack Galifianakis), Peter ends up being shot by an air marshal and put on a "no-fly" list. As luck would have it, fortune comes in the form of Ethan, who offers Peter a lift to LA, as Ethan himself is travelling to Hollywood to try his luck at becoming a "real actor". Straight away the two men's diametrically opposed personalities clash, and we find out that Ethan has a second motive for his travels - to spread his recently deceased father's ashes. After that, Peter discovers that this journey will turn out to be a cross-country road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter's last nerve.

Holy cow, this movie gave me a headache. Rotten Tomatoes website gives it a 39% score rating, and its not difficult to figure out why. However, let me talk about the good stuffs first. Robert Downey Jr. is wonderful as always when it comes to acting. He has that sort of charm that would make almost anyone fall in love with the way he acts. I don't know how to put it, but its there. Secondly, I love the inclusion of Two And A Half Men in this movie, and, sadly, I think that the comedy portrayed by Two And A Half Men is the only laugh-out-loud moments that I found, and even that wasn't much.

Now, for the negative parts of the movie. Sigh..... where do I even begin? Okay, okay, lets start with the comedy. Wait... what comedy? The most I could offer while watching this movie was a smirk. I just... I just don't know what to laugh at. This movie aims to be a road trip comedy but it failed so hard. Every attempt of the movie at being comical was either 'meh..' or disgusting. Disgusting how? I'll give you an example. Ethan masturbates before he sleeps and he does that while Peter is sleeping next to him. Peter wakes up to find out what Ethan is doing and screams at him. Ethan replies by saying that he always does this before he sleeps and it takes him around half an hour to do so. I don't find it funny. I find it DISGUSTING! Seriously, I think the movie developers just included this scene because they realized that their previous attempts at making jokes in the movie were poor, but this is utterly ridiculous!

Next, the characters. Apart from Robert Downey Jr., the other characters were bad. There's Sarah, Peter's wife who is expecting her first child anytime soon. First of all, if your wife is pregnant, shouldn't the husband be around her, especially when it is just 5-6 days before labor? If I am a husband, I wouldn't leave my wife when she could give birth anytime soon, but I don't know, maybe some husbands do that and some don't. Maybe Sarah is strong enough to take care of herself, I don't know. See, I don't know. The audience do not know anything about Sarah except that she's Peter's wife, she's pregnant with her first child, and she's good friends with Darryl (Jamie Foxx) which I'll get to later. This is the most common mistake in movies nowadays. We don't know much about the characters that are significant to the main character. Sigh..

However, the most offensive criminal in this aspect is Ethan. God, Ethan. This character is a disgusting, utterly ridiculous sleazebag. His main aims throughout the journey are to travel to Hollywood to pursue his dreams in becoming an actor and "menyemadikan"(Sorry, I forgot the English word for this) his late father's ashes at Grand Canyon. Okay, fair enough. Now, you would expect someone to carry their late father's ashes in an urn, but no, he had to carry it in a coffee container. Why? Because his late father loves coffee, and this resembles his respect towards his late father...... Right.... Then comes the joke about them preparing coffee without realizing the fact that they used the ashes instead of, y'know, real coffee beans. Granted, it is Darryl who prepared this coffee but why did he use Ethan's coffee container instead of his own? Logics, people.

Darryl is Peter's best friend and they spent some time at his house while on the way back to Peter's hometown. There is one scene here which could be a spoiler, so I won't elaborate on what it actually is. However, this particular scene has potential in being a major plot point in this story, but then, it stops just like that. The movie doesn't explain what actually happened and why it happened, so the viewers are left to themselves to figure it out. That is NOT a good movie element.

This movie tries to portray Peter as a no-nonsense man and Ethan as this idiot, disgusting guy who needs our sympathy. Robert Downey Jr. played his part excellently. However, you'll soon discover that you will side with Peter anytime of the day compared to Ethan. Well, at least I do. See, its because Peter portrays a real human being with a brain while Ethan does not. Some characters in movies are meant to be comic relief while at the same time maintain their human aspects in a natural, believable manner and this is what makes us laugh at them and with them. Ethan is not one of those characters and I've clearly mentioned this when I was talking about him masturbating. Ethan has a dog. What is the purpose of that dog? Did it help Peter when Peter was injured? No. Did it manage to be a hero of some sort? No. Did it manage to provide comic relief? HELL NO. The only "comic relief", or probably the only thing that dog did in this whole movie was masturbate along with its master. At this point of the movie, I was practically brain-dead, and its not even halfway through the movie!!!

There are clever jokes and there are jokes that make fun of you because it thinks that the audience are stupid. Don't watch any comedies that portray the latter. Examples? I Love You, Beth Cooper and Epic Movie. Seriously, the audience need to learn what separates these two categories of jokes. If you want to watch a comedy movie that is really, really worth it, go watch Paul. You'll laugh your ass off. This movie, however, makes my ass sigh in disgust. Not recommended.

Rating: 1/5 stars
Next movie review: The Social Network

Twilight - Because I Have Nothing Better To Do Than Moping

To start off, yes, Twihard fans, I've read the novel written by Stephanie Meyer. However, I have never seen this movie from start to finish. I've only seen bits of it and that is because my relatives watch them on DVD and I happened to be there at that particular moment. So, I can never really comment or speculate on the movie itself since I never fully watched it, until today. I decided to watch the movie for myself to see what is up with the hype associated with this movie. If I'm not mistaken, this movie came out in 2008 and at that time, I was still studying in Matrics. I always go out to watch a movie EVERY weekend but I never watched this one before for whatever reason I don't even know. So, yes, I decided to watch this movie on my laptop today with an open mind.

Well..... This movie is just plain wrong.

Isabella "Bella" Swan (Kristen Stewart) moves from sunny Phoenix, Arizona to rainy Forks, Washington to live with her father, Charlie, while her mother, Renee, travels with her new husband, Phil Dwyer, a minor league baseball player. Bella attracts much attention at her new school and is quickly befriended by several students. Much to her dismay, several boys compete for her attention. When Bella is seated next to Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) in class on her first day of school, Edward seems utterly repulsed by her. He disappears for a few days, but warms up to Bella upon his return. Soon, Bella found out that Edward is a vampire even though they only drink animal blood rather than that of human's. Over time, they fall in love with each other as their relationship develops.

First up, I wanna say a thing or two about the atmosphere of this movie. Is Forks really that dull and dark in real life? I mean, this place looks so boring. Everything is either blue, green or black in this movie. Oh, except for the Cullen clan's skin which is pale white. No wonder the people in this movie are always so emo. Yes, Forks is a place where it rains a lot, but still, it looks BORING. My eyes hurt while watching this movie, seriously. However, this isn't the major problem of the movie, obviously.

The main problem, as it turns out, is the following:

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE VAMPIRES IN THE MOVIE?! The author of the novel itself, Stephanie Meyer, completely raped the vampires here and turned them into moping, emo pussies. Vampires do not turn VEGETARIAN! They feed on human blood! By calling them vegetarian, don't expect me for one second to believe your bullcrap about them turning towards animal blood for delicacy instead of human's. I'll say it again, Twilight is a movie where everyone is emo. High school kids moping in the parking lot, teenage girls eating with their fathers in the diner while moping, and emo vampires walking around in broad daylight. Let me say it again: EMO. VAMPIRES. I was never a big fan of vampires, but I do acknowledge their way of looking cool as well as their awesomeness. Just take a look at this:

And this,

Hell, even this:

However, all those characteristics of a vampire were dumbed down to this:

An emo vampire. Seriously, would somebody PLEASE rip a throat out or something? Yeah, I know its a movie for young adults, but really, why make a vampire movie when you can't see any real vampire action? Its like making a Jaws movie without the shark itself. As a result, Twilight is boring at a level that's unforgivable. Edward leaves Bella for a while because he is intoxicated with the scent of Bella's blood and that is a problem, because...? YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! To top it all off, these so-called vampires sparkle in sunlight. SPARKLE! you burst into flames when exposed to sunlight, you morons. Not sparkle like some gay Kei$ha reject. See, Stephanie Meyer got this idea of writing this story because she dreamt of it, and the movie developers went through all the trouble to come out with this crapstorm.

Next, the dialogue. Granted, it is not that bad. However, it made me cringe whenever Bella talked to Edward. Both of this people have only ONE facial expression whenever they talk to each other. Whenever they did smile, its not a smile. Its more like a smirk, or rather, a retard expression of a smile. These two main characters are so wooden and the way they talk is not natural. I'm sorry, but in real life, nobody talks like that. I understand that Bella develops feelings towards this guy and it is also understandable that she might be shy and talk awkwardly to Edward because of that. However, this is not one of those kind of "talks". Bella talks to Edward like a drunk Mary Sue (Yes, again, a Mary Sue) and Edward talks to her like some kind of pedophile (Considering the difference between their ages, he might as well qualify to be a pedophile himself). Bella's father is, of course, a father that portrays all the cliche characteristics of a father, but its not AS bad.

This movie is beyond ridiculous. Also, this is not a movie to be watched by fans of the vampire genre. I just know that they will curse S.Meyer with all their heart. Even though I am not a vampire fan, I still know that they don't put body glitter and sparkle in sunlight. Edward even has the balls to say that whatever is known about vampires are actually myths and nothing about them can be compared to whatever the Cullen clan in this movie portray. There is one scene that shows the Cullen clan, along with Bella plays baseball. Now, I can understand that if this activity is one of those get-together kind of activity. But, can you explain to me why the hell are they in baseball uniforms? Why? Why must they do that? Nobody watches them play, let alone the fact that they play this game when it is about to rain. Another thing I have to complain is about the choreography in this movie. For instance, the scene where Edward fights James is like something that came out of a Saturday morning cartoon show (cue Power Rangers music) and even that is way better.

This movie rapes the awesomeness of vampires, messes the dialogue between Bella and Edward, screws with logic and has laughable action scenes. So why the 2.5 rating and not lower? Well, its everything else, actually. The dialogues other than those between Bella and Edward are okay because it is only at those moments where they speak like normal humans, albeit a little bit emo. At least the other characters try their best while their acting to make the movie look a little bit more cheerful. I can see the effort, but its just not enough to be a saving grace. James and his friends (I forgot their names by the end of this movie) look like Black Eyed Peas rejects but at least they are menacing enough and they are the closest to being a REAL vampire. Notice I didn't mention Jacob's character played by Taylor Lautner in the synopsis. That's because he has such a minor role in this movie, it is not even worth mentioning.

Sigh.. This movie is a disappointment in terms of whatever I have mentioned previously. A premise of a human falling in love with a vampire is commendable, but if the vampires themselves are stripped down to their lowest and the human looks stoned, how can I possibly buy that? Its just not natural. This is the only Twilight book I've read and I'm not gonna read the others. I'll be watching New Moon sometime soon but I still remember that I fell asleep halfway while watching that movie last time. Its directed by Chris Weitz. Hmmmm... where have I heard that name before?

Oh God..

Rating: 2.5/5

Next movie/game review: Still haven't decided

Poseidon(2006) - Newton Rolls In His Grave

Remakes. They haunt us like a plague these days. Somehow, I believe that remakes are just another way film developers intend to make easy money. Take a good ol' movie and make a remake out of it which sucks out our love for those classics. If New Jersey is the armpit of the U.S, then remakes are creeping turds that are coming out of the other end of the film industries. Don't get me wrong, I do like certain remakes which have proved to be good such as Let Me In, Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Thing.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same thing for Wolfgang Petersen's Poseidon.

The MS Poseidon, a luxury cruise ship, is on a year-end transatlantic crossing to New York (presumably from London, as one of the characters mentions it) . Jennifer (Emmy Rossum) is with her fiancé, Christian (Mike Vogel), and they consider how to tell Jennifer’s father, former New York City Mayor Robert Kamsey (Kurt Russell), bout their engagement. In the galley, stowaway Elena (Mia Maestro) searches for her friend, a waiter named Valentine (Freddy Rodriguez). Architect Richard Nelson (Richard Dreyfuss) is making a phone call to his estranged lover. In the grand ballroom, Captain Michael Bradford (Andre Braugher) delivers a New Year’s speech before introducing the singer, Gloria (Stacy Ferguson). Dylan (Josh Lucas), a professional gambler, and Robert play Texas Hold 'Em with Lucky Larry (Kevin Dillon). On the bridge, officers see a 200-foot rogue wave coming towards them, while everyone celebrates the New Year countdown. On the promenade deck, Nelson, who is contemplating suicide, sees the wave and retreats inside. Though the crew on the bridge sounds warning alarms and turns hard to starboard to meet the wave head-on, the Poseidon turns too slowly and is hit broadside, rolling over and capsizing. The survivors are left to fight for survival as they attempt to escape the sinking ship.

The original film in 1972 was a classic and was one of the best disaster films of all time. Its edgy, its fun, and its full of heart. Its remake, however, is lazy, annoying, and full of crap. Poseidon provides a new low in the disaster movie genre, offering no originality, an irritating plot, and painfully distracting CGI. That's how one summarize this film.

So, the movie began with a bland underwater title sequence. Seriously, its so bland and boring you can make it even more interesting by including the soundtrack "Under The Sea" by The Little Mermaid. To be honest, its like they want me to make fun of it. We then cut off to Jennifer and her father, Robert where Robert plays a little game called "Cliche Father 101" with her daughter just because her daughter is a little bit into her fiance. However, this shows no relevance with the whole movie as the plot goes on! Another character, Valentine sneaks his friend, Elena, on board so that Elena can find her missing brother at whichever place the ship is heading to. You might think that tis goes somewhere. It never does. Richard Dreyfuss who plays Nelson, whom I swear to God, has a boner for any movie involving water (Jaws, Piranha 3D), is some gay depressed individual whose boyfriend dumped him, I don't know. Because of this, he tries to commit suicide by jumping off the ship but stops when he sees some poorly CGI rogue wave coming towards the ship.

Now, the fun starts. Fun that involves weak CGI and defiance towards the laws of Physics, that is. I mean, come on, Wolfgang Petersen did this movie. He perfected a rogue wave in The Perfect Storm. WHAT HAPPENED HERE? He also screwed up with the physics here! When a rogue wave APPROACHES a ship, the ship is sucked TOWARDS it, significantly. It DOES NOT stay put! So, obviously, the wave crashes into the ship and capsizes it, causing the death of many passengers, including some morons in the swimming pool on the deck of the ship. I mean, c'mon, did they not see the wave approaching them? Did they not hear the alarm which clearly said "Brace for immediate impact"? Either this movie sucks, or this cruise line was for the mentally incompetent. I'd also like to point out that the wave in this scene was impossible. Its proceding from the raised end of the pool and continues downwards. All water rises from the BOTTOM end of a tilting vessel! The captain of the ship tells the guests to stay put when he knows well enough that the ballroom will flood because the glass windows will crack due to water pressure? 25 minutes in, and I feel dumb already.

Dylan, the only character who plans to get out of the ballroom immediately, is then confronted by ALL the other main characters at the SAME time due to plot convenience. Now, here, Dylan is being an arrogant douchebag who only wants to save himself and not the others since "he works better on his own". What? How are we supposed to root for him when he's acting this way? Thor is arrogant too, but at least he's charming enough to pull it off. So far, the movie established him as a protagonist that craves for women and only cares about himself. Its only after Valentine reveals that he knows the ship structure well enough, then only Dylan agrees to let them come along with him.

So, we came to a scene where Nelson and Valentine are hanging from a ledge and Dylan is trying to pull both of them up. Unfortunately, Valentine fell off and died. Remember how Gene Hackman reacted when the guy who played Valentine(I can't remember) died in the original? He actually gave a damn. Dylan shrugs it off like it was NOTHING. There is a scene where Dylan dives into a body of water of oil, engine parts, and fire in order to make a bridge using a fire hose (don't ask). Gene Hackman died this way in the original and he survived without a scratch? He should have died on impact! How did this happen? Dont give me that answer "Because he used to be in the navy" as mentioned in the earlier parts of this movie. The audience who paid to watch this movie might not be the brightest people on Earth, but they're not stupid either!

Overall, this movie has major problems with consistency (Jennifer wears a ring on her finger, but 5 minutes later, she said the ring is in her back pocket), useless character plot (Elena is so determined to search for her younger brother, but she died halfway through the movie. What?), and non-sensical physics-defying acts (ballast tanks take water from the ocean through the bottom of the ship. If the ship is capsized and isn't fully submerged, where the hell is the water coming from?? Not to mention that the ship is now upside down, the ballast tanks wouldn't even function properly. HERE, THE BALLAST TANKS WORK FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON). There is also a scene where they flooded a whole room just to rise to the top. DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD THE WATER IS WHEN YOU TRAVEL BY SEA FROM LONDON TO NEW YORK ON NEW YEAR'S EVE? They would die due to hypothermia if they stay in the water for too long! Ney York is a winter wonderland at this time of the year!

Overall, this movie does not have that much of a problem with the script and audio-wise, they're not that bad. However, in other aspects, they just failed. If they are not messing with the laws of physics, they're messing with the laws of logics. The character development goes nowhere. We don't see the relevance of their history or past events with the plot of this film! This movie is a waste, seriously. Newton must be rolling in his grave right now.

Rating: 1/5 stars
Next movie review: Twilight (Yes)
Expectations: It won't be a sparkling review, that's for sure.

Lagenda Budak Setan - Movie Pun Macam Setan

Sape-sape yang kenal aku, dia memang sepatutnya dah tahu yang aku ni jenis yang tak minat filem-filem Melayu. Korang nak cakap aku tak patriotik ke, tak sokong produk negara sendiri ke, cakap la. Aku bukan tak minat sebab tu, tapi aku memang membandingkan semua filem yang aku saksikan secara international. Ya, aku akan tetap membandingkan filem-filem negara ni dengan filem-filem negara luar seperti Transformers dan Harry Potter. Bila aku cakap macam ni, alasan yang paling kerap aku dengar ialah "Tapi, kau kena faham, filem-filem dari luar tu jauh lagi advanced daripada kita. Diorang ada kelebihan teknologi". Eh, nak fikirkan cerita yang bagus, tulis skrip yang bernas dan memaparkan bakat lakonan yang mantap perlu ada teknologi ke? Akan tetapi, disebabkan aku ni dah berjanji untuk menonton filem-filem Melayu jugak untuk mengulasnya dalam blog ini, terpaksa jugalah tonton filem-filem tu sampai habis.

Dan datanglah cerita "Lagenda Budak Setan".

Pertama sekali, apabila aku ternampak poster filem ni tahun lepas, serius aku ingat ni cerita hantu. Ye la, sekali nampak perkataan "Setan" free2 macam tu je. Dulu, nak keluar certa Hellboy pun kena tukar tajuk tu ke Super Sapiens. Lagi satu, aku tak tahu pun yang cerita ni berdasarkan novel yang keluar dalam zaman 80-an macam tu sampailah aku nampak ayat "Dari Novel Terlaris" tu. Aku ni, kalau bab-bab baca novel cinta, jangan harap la. Akan tetapi, apabila aku nampak perkataan "terlaris" tu, aku boleh agak yang peminat-peminat novel ini akan datang berduyun-duyun ke wayang untuk menonton cerita ni. Okay, aku tak pernah baca novel ni, jadi aku tak boleh nak kata apa-apa tentang kualiti novel tersebut, tetapi SETIAP kawan aku yang juga merupakan peminat novel ni, apabila mereka sudah menyaksikan filem ini, mereka akan memberitahu aku yang mereka menitiskan air mata sesudah menyaksikannya. WTF? Jadi, aku pun mengambil inisiatif untuk menonton filem ini melalui laptop aku, dan sah, mereka hanya mengatakan filem ini bagus hanya kerana mereka peminat-peminat setia novel ini.

Mari kita mulakan dengan sinopsis cerita ini.

Farid Kamil memegang watak Kasyah yang digelar sebagai "budak setan" di kolej sebab dia ni suka buat kacau. Akan tetapi, apabila dia jatuh hati terhadap Ayu (Lisa Surihani), dia ni pun insaf la. Selepas itu, mereka berdua ni terpaksa berpisah buat sementara waktu apabila Kasyah terpaksa pergi ke sebuah kampung untuk menyiapkan sebuah tugasan dan emak Ayu ni pun suruh la Ayu kahwin dengan ex-balak Ayu (Que Haidar). Apabila kawan Ayu, Suzana (Raja Farah) memberitahu perkara ini kepada Kasyah, Kasyah sedih tetapi dia terpaksa juga la menyambung kehidupannya dan mendapat kerja di syarikat Emilia (Shiqin Kamal). Tengok-tengok, Emilia tu sebenarnya Ayu yang telah menjalani pembedahan plastik kerana Ayu telah terlibat dalam kemalangan jalan raya (-_-"). Apabila syarikat Emilia ni bankrup, Kasyah mendapatkan pekerjaan baru dengan Kate (Nur Fazura) yang suka menggatal menggedik.

Sekali lagi aku ingin menegaskan bahawa aku tidak pernah membaca novel ini, dan disebabkan filem ni, aku mungkin tidak akan membaca novel ini langsung. Akan tetapi, aku mempunyai satu sahaja komen tentang novel tersebut. Nama penulis novel ini Ahadiat Akashah, dan nama watak utama dalam cerita ini ialah Kasyah. Hmmmmmm.... Hah! Nampak sangat watak Kasyah ni merupakan watak "Mary Sue"! Korang tak tahu maksud "Mary Sue"? Pergi tanya Pakcik Google.

Berdasarkan penulisan saya pada awal entri ini, aku tak menyukai kebanyakan filem-filem Melayu kerana skrip yang tunggang-langgang dan juga lakonan yang entah apa-apa. Pelajar-pelajar di kolej tempat Kasyah belajar tu pun, entah mana la direktor Sharad Sharan ni pergi ambil. Camerawork filem ni lagi la, suka sangat pergi dekat dengan muka pelakon-pelakon tu kenapa? Soundtrack pulak suka sangat ulang lagu yang sama berkali-kali dalam beberapa adegan filem ni.

Namun, yang paling aku tak tahan tentang filem ini ialah jalan ceritanya. Berceramuk! Sekejap kemalangan, sekejap menggatal di tempat kerja (Lebih dari sekali!), hilang ingatan, lebih dari satu serangan pukul-pukul, tikam-tikam. Aku boleh agak dah macam mana jalan cerita filem ini boleh jadi. Macam ni la, aku bagi korang satu contoh lah ye.

Kasyah ni watak utama filem ni. Ex-balak Ayu tu, Ayu break dengan dia sebab dia gay (Yup). Jadi, dia pun bengang lah kan. Pada babak-babak akhir filem ni, Kasyah dengan Ayu mempunyai cahaya mata. Kepada sesiapa yang masih belum tengok filem ni, cubalah teka perkara yang terjadi dalam babak tu.

See, this movie is the type of movie that piles cliche after contrivance after implausibility. Secara jujurnya, aku merasakan filem-filem Melayu macam ni lah yang suka memaparkan watak-wataknya dalam keadaan merana tak habis-habis. Aku juga dapat merasakan yang direktor filem ni nak suruh penonton-penonton berasa simpati terhadap watak-watak tersebut, tetapi bagaimana kita nak bersimpati terhadap mereka kalau mereka bodo piang? Watak-watak dalam filem ni memang tak reti nak mempunyai sifat-sifat seorang manusia yang normal. Macam mana laaaa boleh ada polisi "we hate gurlzzz" dalam kalangan Kasyah dengan kawan-kawan dia tu?

Namun, aku boleh la bagi kredit dekat Lisa Surihani sebab lakonan dia mantap. Fari Kamil pulak, haihh.... aku geleng kepala saja lah apabila melihat lakonan dia. Lisa Surihani, sepertimana aku katakan tadi, lakonan dia mantap. Akan tetapi, apabila dia berlakon dengan Farid Kamil dalam babak atau adegan yang sama, tak nampak chemistry langsung. Bukan sebab Lisa, tetapi sebab Farid tu la. Sekurang-kurangnya Lisa ada juga lah memberikan lakonan yang sebaik mungkin dan mengekalkan ekspresi muka yang meyakinkan.

Susah betul bagi aku untuk menilai filem ini disebabkan jalan cerita yang tunggang-langgang. Apabila filem ini habis, muncul ayat "Tamat Bahagian Pertama". Apparently, there is a series of this novel and a sequel is in the making! Whatever I've spoken and written here, it sure as hell won't stop the legion of fans from populating the cinema no matter what level of suckitude this film has. They said they cried after watching the movie. I feel like crying too, for a whole different reason, of course. Now, if you will excuse me, I want to go and bleach my brain

Rating: 1.5/5 stars

Next movie review: Poseidon(2006)
Expectations: Its a remake, right? Lets keep the expectations low..